Jokes

Diet Rules

• If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

• If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

• When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.

• Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

• If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

• Movie related foods (Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Licorice, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package.

• Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

• Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing a dish or a meal. Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.

• Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.

• Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies and popsicles.